Wednesday, August 26, 2009

How to be Happy?

When I was young, its easy to be happy - go holiday, meeting up friends, having good meals, buying a pair of new shoes, a bag or dress can make me really happy.
But all these dont seem to make me thrilled and excited anymore, in fact for the last 2 years, I hardly purchase anything (so I've made substantial savings).

I feel that I've missed something to complete my life.
I need a complete family - husband and children.........
I think I can only attain true happiness when I carry my baby in my arm ..........

I had short term happiness when I was tested +ve for pregnancy thrice ........
I put on a lot of weight after my 2nd pregnancy - from 47kg to 50kg and another 2 kg during the 3rd .......
Being a vain gal, it's hard for me to put on weight - I'm a exercise freak who jogs 3 times a week for 4-5km distant each time.
When I knew that I was pregnant, I stopped my exercise routine and eat alot (pregnancy hormones makes me hungry all the time).
I was happy and didnt mind putting on extra weight as I believe this is for my baby.

Looking at friends around me already have children (2 or more), while I'm still struggling to try to have my 1st, it's really heart breaking ......... age is cathing up and my biological clock is tickling ........... I'm anxious to have my baby.

God, why take away my 3 babies away from me?
Please let my 3 poor babies rest in peace in heaven.

I'm still hopeful for that day to come - to be wheeled to the labour ward to give birth to my baby, hearing him/ her break the 1st cry and hug/ kiss him/ her (it doesnt matter girl or boy, as long as the baby is healthy and normal) .......
I believe I can be a good mother and will nurture and protect my child.
Please grant me my wish to be a true mother who can breast feed, change diaper, wash/ clean/ feed/ educate my adorable child.

I believe that day will come.
I just need to be patient ............

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