Monday, December 28, 2009

What do I want for X'mas and Bday?

Ry asked me waht do I want for my bday and I told him "nothing" but deep in my heart I was yelling for a Baby.

Today on our drive back from Ipoh, there was a thick fog and I was telling RY that god is coming down to earth to give us a baby ..........

I wish to have a baby ...........
God, Pls grant me my wish ............

Ipoh during X'mas

On 24 Dec, we went to Ipoh for a short vacation to visit RY's parents.

The custom in both SG & MY at 2nd link were very clear and we pass through swiftly.
Traffic on the hiway was ok too except for the stretch nearing KL is abit congested.

We arrived Ipoh on 24 Dec 6.30pm and we thought we'd arrived at about 8pm since we set-off from SG at 1pm.

We went to near by cze cha place for x'mas eve dinner with the whole family (RY's younger brother and sister came back from KL for the festive holiday too).
His sister has 3 young and beautiful daughters, they are very adorable too.

On X'mas day, RY's parents tah pau some hawker food for our breakfast and lunch, RY brought me to the famous Hong Tou restaurant  in old Ipoh town for the prawn mee hoon.
The RU brought me to Funny Mountain for the nice beancurd and also bought some local snack for my family.
Dinner was home cooked meal prepared by FIL.

After dinner, we went to GV for movie - Avatar.

On Saturday, we went to Yoke Fook Moon for dim sum breakfast.
Lunch was hor fun and mee hoon at YMCA and we went to Secret Recipe for desserts.
Dinner was at this new restaurant called Hoi Seng, the pork ribs was really tasty - its like our Kong Bah Pao

On Sunday, it was some hawker food breakfast and lunch was home cooked pasta.
Dinner we went to Move n Peak for steamboat buffet.

We left for SG on Monday morning at 7am and arrived at 12.15pm and had lunch at Jurong West.
Then RY send me to office since I only applied half day leave - arrive office at 1pm.

This trip in Ipoh is basically eat,  sleep & watch TV as we hardly go out.
The only outdoor activity I did was morning jog and playing with neighbours' doggies.

The 1st corner house has 2 golden retriever and a beagle and the house next to PIL is a mongrel.

Ipoh is a laid back town and is an ideal place for retirement ..........
I think I'll retire there............

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Gift 2009

This year I've bought little cute musical bear for all the girls in my company and there're 15 of them and for the guys, I've bought some christmas candies/ chocolate for them to consume in the pantry.
As I thought most of them will be on vacation during the x'mas week, I've distributed the gift early on 18 Dec (Fri).
To my surprise, this week, the colleagues give me x'mas gifts in return.
I've given with no intention of receiving  and this is really a surprise.
Now my desk is full of the x'mas gift display.

What should I give nest year?
I've one year to ponder over it ...........

Mery X'mas!

Today is X'mas eve and the office is very relax ............
The office has declared half day so alot of people come to work since if you apply leave, it gotta be a full day instead of half a day off.

This morning, a colleague bought us free vegeterian breakfast - fried carrot cake, roti prata, mee hoon & bao........
At about 10am, we celebrated birthday for one of the girl as her actual bday falls on x'mas eve..........
We had chocolate cake and some desset wine.

Now, I'm just sitting in the office surfing internet to wait for RY to come fetch me to go Ipoh ........

Yes, we're driving off to Ipoh in an hour's time ............

I'd like to wish everybody a Merry X'mas and Happy Holiday!

RY's Birthday on 22 Dec

This year RY's bday falls on Tue and its also the "Dong Zhi" festival.

We didnt do anything much, except for the lunch in Swensen's at IMM.
I ordered a Fish & Chips while he had a pasta.
Of course we also have our free Firehouse ice-cream and stickly chewy chocolate which come as free side for the main course.
I gave a ang bao to RY for his bday gift, I'd made a mistake in the amount.
I had wanted to give him $2888, instead I put in $2988 ......... well a hundred dollar more for him.

We went back to mum's place for dinner and mummy cooked a lot of food.
We also had the tang yuen which symbolised reunion ............

Its a simple day but I think its very warm and nice since we're with our loved ones.
I hope to be able to spend this special day with RY the rest of my lives .............

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

TCM Updates

I've been seeing this TCM for about 2 months.
I wonder if my general health being have improved ...........but my mens seem to improve since the flow is more.

It's really expensive to undergo TCM treatment, on average, each week it cost me S$95 and it consists of 40 min accupunture and medication for 1 week.

On top of the TCM treatment, I also take DHEA (3 tabs a day @ 25mg per tab).

After my Beijing trip, I was rather weak.
I got flu attack 2 weeks ago and then last week, I got fever.
My tempreature fluctuated like a yo-yo, on CD12, I was 37'C then dropped to 36.3 on CD13 then rose to 36.5'C from CD14 toCD16 then rise to 36.7'C on CD17 to CD18.
On CD19 it went up to 37.6'C and dropped till 36.2 the next day.
Subsequently on CD21 went up to 36.5'C and then CD24 rose to 36.7'C for 2 days.

I hope this high temp can substain as long as possible ............ I really hope to me preg .............

Birthday Celebration on 11 Dec (Fri)

When I was younger, I enjoyed having group of friends' companny or eating expensive dinner and receiving present would make me happy.

Last month, RY asked me what do I want for this year's birthday.
I told him "nothing" and told him I dont want any expensive gift nor dinner.

Last Thurs evening, RY gave me a surprise by giving me a bouquet of roses and the next day, he came to my office take me out to lunch at Swensen.
As it's my actual day of birthday, the restaurant gave me a free Firehouse ice-cream.
RY sang me a birthday song when the ice-cream was presented to me after the main course was finished.
He gave me a red packet (ang pao) as present.

Then in the eveing, we went to mum's place for some home cooked dinner.
RY surprised me by bringing me a cake to mum's place and together with mum, sis & brother, they celebrated this happy day with me.

I was very happy on my birthday (its really simple and quiet).
Simplicity is Beautiful!

Next week (22 Dec) will be RY's birthday and I wonder what should I do for him since its a Tuesday ..............
I shall update next week.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Back from Beijing

Back from Beijing last Wed 25 Nov.
Arrived SG airport on Wed 6am and reach home at about 7.30am.

First thing I did was to unpack my luggage and throw out dirty clothes for laundry.
Then wash up went and rested till 9.30am and off to work.

I can only described this trip with 2 words "Cold" & "Tired"........

Beijing is really cold and fortunately we've brought sufficient clothing to keep us warm.

First day (Fri), arrived Beijing airport at 11pm and check into hotel for the night - Wang Fy Jing Grand.

2nd day, we went to Yah Shui market for the tour mates to buy winter jacket since some didnt bring the right clothing for the cold weather.
RY get to buy a fake Timberland shoes for RMB160 (orignal price was RMB480).
Then we proceed to Tian An Men Square and then to Forbidden City.

3rd day, we went to Great Wall of China - Ju Yong Guan ........

4th day, we went to Temple of Heaven, as well as shopping in Xiu Shui Market amd 5th day was to Summer Palace.
RY bought 4 small bottles of china wine - Er Wo Tou for RMB3 each (56% alcohol content which is really potent).

We get to sample Peking Duck from Quan Ju De chinese restaurant, which I dont think is as good as those from SG.
It cost RMB 196 for additional serving of duck.

It was a nice trip since the tour mates were my colleagues - total 56 paxs.
But I dont think I'd like to visit Beijing again in the near future............ as I think got other better destinations awaiting for my discovery .........

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Beijing Tour

I'll be leaving for Beijing tomorrow for 5 day tour!

I look forward to a beautiful weather and a wonderful holiday ..........

I'll share more about my trip when i come back next Wed.

Pregnant Colleague

My colleagues has shared with me that she's been pregnant for about 3 months and she's very troubled over her pregnancy since it'll be her 2nd child and she's not prepared to receive this baby now, so she's planning to abort it.

I'm very sad ......... while she's pregnant for 3 months, I've lost mine for the same period too (I did my D&C in end Aug).

She took leave today to go to the gynae to check if she's really preggy.

Here I'm trying my best to get pregnant and she's hoping that she's not.

How I wish I'm pregnant now .........
God, pls answer to my prayer to be pregnant and deliver my healthy & notmal baby to this world ........... pls take pity on me and grant me my wish...........


Last Sat we went to gynae for a follow-up visit.
The doc has decided on 3rd fresh IVF cycel for me to commence in Feb 2010.

From my prior experiences, I know I cant harvest many eggs so I asked the doc if he has any plan for me.
He suggested that I take this anti-aging supplement call DHEA which may help.

He has given me a prescription to get from the hospital but its up to me if I want to take it.

I've done some research on the internet regarding this DHEA supplement and it's only selling at USD6 per bottle (90 capsule 25mg).
I'm contemplating getting this from the website but is waiting till I come back from my beijing trip.

On the other hand, I'm still hopeful to get preggy naturally .........

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Crying for my babies ..........

I was crying in the shower last Saturday.
The thought of the tough journey I'd been thru to get myself pregy thrice is very heart drenching .........

I missed my 3 babies ........ they didnt even get the chance to be borned to this wonderful world.

Last Sat, RY brought me to nature walk and it was nice to see familes with kids enjoying quality time together.
I was hoping that I can bring my own kids (together with RY) to enjoy the fresh air and scenary in the nature park - it'll be picture perfect..

God, kindly answer to my prayer to let me have my healthy baby born to this world.
I'll be a good mommy ......... pls listen to my prayer.......

Sad to know that my friend is at stage 4 cancer ...........

I just knew from my friend that an ex-school mate cum ex-colleagues is at stage 4 cancer ..........
I read her blog and see that she's currently fighting hard to stay alive to be with her family .......

She's a real warrior and I wish her all the best!

Take care, my friend ........

Update on 21 Mar 2010
My friend has passed away just before CNY in Feb ..........

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Beijing - here I come!

In 2 weeks time, RY and myself will go to Beijing for a 5 day tour with my compay.

Today at the TCM, I over heard Dr and her patients' conversation (a young couple who is going to Beijing next week) and Dr was recommending them to eat mutton shabu shabu (shuan yang rou) at the most well known restaurant there called "Lao Song Shun".

She also reminded them to bring long john for the great wall climb since it rather chilly up there.

I've benefited from this conversation.
I'll do the same ...............

When did I ovulate?

I'm really confused over my exact ovulation date........

Believe it or not, I can "feel" my ovary swollen pre-ovulation .........
Some how got a strange feeling at the adobement neat to the ovaries on CD12.
Also on CD12, I can see that I've more cervical mucus.
Today is my CD15 and I dont have the "swollen" feeling but there's still some strange feeling there.

5 start taking my body tempreature since CD2 and was 36.2'C till CD11 and on CD12, I was 36.5'C, which lasted till CD14, but today it went down to 36.3'C.

I went to the TCM this morning and informed her about my observation.
She said the temp of 36.5'C is no good as it should be 37'C then considered ideal.
She think that the sudden dip in temp could mean that my ovulation will be this 2 days, but I thought I should have ovulated on CD12?

She prescribed "lu rong" (deer antler) to mee as she wants to improve my body temp.

Since CD9, RY had been very "cooperative" and "hardworking" as we've been turning to bed early to try ...........
Being a health freak, I'd love to go running but as I'm preggy hopeful, I've decided not to go running for 2 weeks.
So yesterday, instead of running, RY brought me to do some nature walk.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Happy Halloween 2009

This year was the my first time celebrating Halloween, well not exactly celebrating, but it was the first time I went to a "commercialise" area to feel the "Halloween air" .........

Last Sat 31 Oct, Jas had invited Est, myself and Jo to clarke quay for dinner cum lancing ......
We met up at The Pump Room in Clarke Quay.

As I've no appetite for western cuisine, I had dinner with RY in a Thai restaurant in Upp Bt Timah.
It was raining cats and dogs and the restaurant was rather empty ......... but there's a group of "ang moh" family who really put on efforts to dress up for the occassion.  The children was wearing the red illuminated  devil horms ..........

RY suggested that I get one of those horns for myself to wear at Clarke Quay.
I'd rejected as I didnt want to look silly.

RY sent me to clarke quay and went off as he didnt like to noisy pubs .......

It was an eye opener to see alot of people dressing to the theme ............ some dressed up as vampire, wearewolves, witches, wonder women and chinese ghosts (in cheong sum or the qing dynasty costume)........... good efforts ......... There was jam band playing in the outdoor, as well as best dress competition, oh the mc for the event was Glen Ong.

We just sat at the table (outside the restuarant) to people watch for amost 2 hours before we decided to get into the Pump Room to see what's happening inside.
But it was boring and we decided to go outside to see the more happening crowd.

We left the place at about 1am.

It was an unforgetable night and we're thinking what to dress up as for 2010 Halloween!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

2nd Menstration

I wonder why my mens flow is so light and last only for 3 days ......
Not sure what's wrong with me.

CD1 was on Sunday and by Tue (CD3), my mens was already pretty clear.

I hope everything is fine ........ not sure if the TCM medicine has any impact ........

Monday, October 26, 2009

2nd Mens after D&C

My 2nd mens came yesterday - 25 Oct Sunday!

The TCM doc suggested that I start taking body temp and taking her herbs to improve on my health.

Today (CD2), I took my temp and it was 36.2'c and her medication is really bitter.

Excuse me, are you still schooling?

Yesterday while waiting for RY to get some bread for this week's breakfast, I went to Guardian to get a thermometer.

I was looking up and down but still cant find it then I approached the sales assitant for help.
She directed me to ge the thermometre and then she asked, "excuse me, are you still schooling?"

I was shocked that she think I'm still at school so I asked her what level she think I'm studying now, and she said I looked like a university student because of my short hair and big square bag.  I told her I'm not a student and have been working for some years already.

I was very happy and offered to buy her a coffiee.

She has made my day!

Travel Fair on 25 Oct 2009

Yesterday (Sunday) RY and myself went to Suntec for the Chan Brothers Travel Fair.
We were surprised to also see ASA, Dynasty & CTC also at Suntec/ Marina Sq to held their in-house fair.

We were considering to go Egypt via either Chan Bros or ASA since the price and similar, during 2010 CNY.
We were at the fair since 11am (went to TCM at 9am for my accupuncture) and it was tough decision.
We went for lunch in Republic Foodcourt and had fried hokkien mee as well as carrot cake.
We went back to make further enquiries.

But as we cant make up our mind since RY is contemplating to go back Ipoh during CNY or go tour, we decided to go home to rest and ponder about it.

We went to Pizza Hut near our house for chocolate cake (with a scope of ice cream).
Yummy .......... I must say that the new dessert in Pizza Hut is rather good.

We reach home at 4.30pm and we looked thru the tour pamphlet and then finally decided to go with Chan Bros to Egypt.

At 6pm, we drove back to Suntec and make a final enquiry at ASA and Chan Bros and then went ahead to book the tour with Chan Bros as the price is better = SGD2,438 via SG (exclude taxes).

As we book rather late, we've missed to chance to get free luggage bag offered by Citibank.

Then we proceeded to having Japanese dinner at Republic foodcourt.

We had 2 bento sets (1 sashimi/ sushi set and 1 beef set) and the total cost being $34, which is value for money.

We're really happy to book the Egypt tour since we've been planning to go Egypt for 5 years

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Trying to get pregnant is very difficult ..........

I've been very unhappy for the past few days.
I was ovulating since last Sat but RY was not insterested to be intimate with me.
My doc had recommended that I tried naturally to get pregnant during the last visit.

I didnt dare to tell RY about my ovulation as I didnt want to stress him.
Thru out the TTC journey of the last 4/ 5 years, we'd quarrelled over this.
I had tried telling him about my ovulation and he would be very upset since he had to get into bed to try to make me pregnant, and many times he couldnt perform and we'd be unhappy which strained our relationship.

Last sunday night, I tried to ask him to turn to bed early (hoping that we can BD), but he shouted at me asked me to go away so that he can be alone in the study room.
I was very upset and refused to talk to him on Monday morning.
I had missed the "window" period to get pregnant and I feel "unwanted".
On Monday morning, I'd suggested a divorce since he doesnt seem to want or need me.
He certainly doesnt show any concern about me

Last evening, he apologised to me telling me he was sorry for shouting at me.
I told him, I'm angry not just because of the shouting, it was because he's lacked of concerned.
Every night he'll shut himself in the study room while I stay alone either in the living or the bedroom.
I feel rejected and dont feel the love from him.

I went to the clinic to collect the anti-biotics to get rid of my gastirc bacteria as I was thinking since there's no hope of pregnancy this month, I might as well start the course of anti-biotics now.

RY fetched me from clinic to mum's place for dinner and we didnt talk.

As usual, after dinner when we got home, he shut himself in the study room and leave me alone.

I was upset and my mind was spinning with the thoughts that we're not meant for each other.

I looked out of the window and sudenly feel like going to the garden for a walk.

I changed me sleeping attire and leave the house and walked to the garden.
RY didnt follow me.

I was all by myself in the garden and pondering over my pregnancy journey and the 3 m/cs.
I cried over my 3 losses ........ my 3 poor babies.

It's really difficult to get pregnant and have baby!
My husband is not cooperative and he only make love to me when he wants it and most of the time he'll shut himself away from me, especially during the critical ovulation time. 
Maybe he thinks IVF can help and I only need to jab myself and go to the operating theatre to have baby.
I've gone thru 2 IVF fresh cycles and a FET and it's really no fun and full of sorrow and misery.
The multiple hormone jabs, scanning, blood test, as well as the wait of news to proceed to the various stages, egg retriever, embryo transfer and the 2 weeks wait of pregancy HCG blood test resilt is very stressful and taunting to the body/ mind.

I went back home about 20 mins later and RY was already in bed.

RY hugged me and initiated intimacy.
I'm not sure if he'll dumped me aside tonight and shut himself away from me ............

Come next month during the ovulation period, I think I may feel the blues again ......... sad over missing the chance to try to get preggy.

My next visit to the gynae is mid-Nov and should he ask me if I've tried naturally, I'll tell him "NO" and if he ask why I didnt try, I may tell him the truth "My husband doesnt want me ............"

Trying to get pregnant is really tough and I'm not sure if I can perservere and also for how long ...........

Sunday, October 11, 2009

St James - DragonFly

Do you believe if I tell you last Fri was my first visit to St James Power Station?

Jas & Est had agreed to meet up for a girls night out on last Fri about a month ago.
It was an eye-opener as its my first time to a night spot since 4 years ago ........... yep, its that long since I was obsessed with getting pregnant and didnt want to have any late nighte which may affect my sleep pattern.

I think the night scene is totally different from what it was years back when I was actively "lancing" in the discotheque.
There're many different bar in St James and we went to the Dragonfly.

We were there about 10.30pm and its already pretty packed.  The cover charge is $15 for ladies and you get a stamp on your hand which allows you to "bar hop" throught out the night to the various clubs in St James.
The main distinction of the night club now compared to 5 years ago being - there's no dance floor, instead its a big stage right in the middle for the live show performance.
People are standing around and shaking their bom bom anywhere they can find space.
Retro music was played from 10.30pm till 12 mid-night, when the live performance starts.
The live show lasted about an hour then followed by DJ spinning the disc ............
Sad to say that most of the musics are unfamiliar to me so I just stood there watching the young people lancing ............ About an hour later, the live show continue ............

We waited till about 2.30am to go home.

Its really an experience after disappearing from the night scene for so long.
I look forward to another girls night outing.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Saline Sonography

Today I went to hospital to do saline sono test, which was the 3rd time I do the test (after each D&C, my gynae would send me to do this test).
This test was ordered by my Doc since he want to check if my womb is healing well.
This test to be done within 10 days of 1st day of menses.

I called up the hospital on 30 Sept and they've given me the time slot on 6 Oct 9am.

This morning I arrived at the hospital at 8.30am and the nurse did my registration and bring me to the doc to sign the consent form.
The doc who performed the saline sono for me is Dr Ong and she was the doc who did my 1st saline sono in Aug 2008 and the 2nd time in Feb 2009 was performed by Dr Lam. 
I personally think that Dr Ong is a better doc then Dr Lam.
The actual process commenced at 8.50am and it finished at 9.30am.
The bill was $182/=.

I went to the Guan Ying temple to do my prayer before I took a cab to work.
The cab fare today was $13/=.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Weight update

After 3 weeks of exercise, it's disappointed to say that my weight is still 50kg .......
When will I get to 47kg .......... I just wanna shed 3kg only.

Hopefully by Dec, there'll be improvement!

Actual Day of Mooncake Festival Party - 3 Oct Sat

The party on Saturday was a success!

Due to the annual close, I gotta work at home in the afternoon from 2pm to 5.30pm.
After the mooncake shopping, I quickly rush home to work on the annual reporting.
Finally cleared some work till 5.30pm then had my shower and change.

Sis (Cat) helped me collected the food from BBQ House from Ubi and they arrive at about 6pm.
RY went to fetch mum and sis (Khim) and Joseph (nephew) over.
The kids went swimming in the pool.
We had wanted to have the party in the garden in my condo but just when we're about to start to lay the food on the table, there was a slight drizzle.

I immediately get my sis (Ade) to bring the food up to my apartment.
It was the right decision as half hour later, it was pouring cats & dogs ..........

We layed the table and start feasting while waiting for the kids to return from the pool.

The catered food from BBQHouse was surprisingly good.
The portion is also very good and we've alot of left over despite the order was for 10 paxs.
I think the portion is good for 12 to 15 paxs.
I'll definitely order from BBQ House again.
Food ordered ($104.50):
Veg mee hoon for 10 paxs
curry vegetable for 10 paxs
buffalo wings - 30 pcs
nuggets - 20 pcs
fishball - 20 pcs
spring roll - 20 pcs
chix satay - 50 sticks
Ketupak - 10 pcs
sambal chilie - 1 packet

I've also bought 4 bottles of drinks, cocktail nuts, chips, beer etc

The grand finale was the mooncake time (see previouse post on the mooncake pics).
I've bought 10 diferent flavours - durian, choco, blueberry cheese, green tea, champedek, mango, banana yogurt, strawberry yogurt and yam with pumkin.  Mum also brought 1 box of traditional lian rong flavour.
As we've excess, we've also given 1 box of the traditional flavour to our Korean neighbour.
She also gave her some of her home make kimchi and gass noodle which we ate is as next morning's breakfast.

After the mooncake feast, the childrean and myself with RY went to the garden to play with lantern and mini fireworks.

The party ended at about 10pm and RY send mum home.

It was such an enjoyable night and I look forward to another gathering with th family.

Niece - Shervone and Nephew - Siew Mun Zai

Whole family (exclude RY & myself not in picture)

Mooncake Shopping

Every year Takashimaya would have mooncake shopping fair in their B2 open space.
Its a good chance to sample various kind of mooncake at one go since all the major hotels, bakeries & restaurants would participate in the fair.

This year I went to the fair thrice; the first was last Monday 28 Sept to shortlist the flavours.

On Fri, we bought from Kia Hiang the mini snowskin mooncake (9 pcs in a box) which cost $36 after 10% discount, the first box consists of pure durian and the second consists of 4 choco, 2 blueberry cheese, 2 green tea and 1 durian; also bought from Golden Peoney a box of snowskin consists of 2 banana yogurt and 2 strawberry yogurt which cost $27 after 40% discount.

As my niece has requested for mango flavour, we've gone back to Taka on Saturday late morning to source for it as it was a sold out on the prevous day.
We bought from Goodwood Park 2 boxes of mangoes and champedek which cost $52 per box.
My mum loves yam so we also bought a box of yam with pumkin fried skin mooncake for her ($18 per box of 2 pcs)

See pictuers of the mooncakes.

Assortment of mooncake

Kia Hiang - 4 choco, 2 blueberry cheese, 2 green tea & 1 durian

Kia Kiang - 9 pcs snowskin durian

Goodwood Park - mixure of 2 champedek & 2 mango

Golden Peoney - mixture of 2 Banana Yogurt & Strawberry Yogurt

Shi Zhen - fried skin yam with pumkin

Thursday, October 1, 2009

This Sat Party

This sat I'll host a mooncake festival party at my place.

Looking forward to it.
I've ordered some satay, mee hoon, chix wings, fish ball, chix nuggets, veg curry, baby squid, spring roll for the party.
I've ordered form BBQ House from Ubi.
Hopefully the taste is good.

I'll buy some nice mooncake on sat at Taka - thinking of getting drian, mango, yam flavour mooncake ........

I'll also get some chips, drinks and fruits from NTUC.

First Menstration after D&C

My mens finally came yesterday .......... it was a long wait and I was relieve that it finally came.

Yesterday I called up the hospital to make appointment to do Saline Sonogram next Tue morning.
So I'll go to office 2 hours later.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

New Hair

Hey many people complimented about my new hair cut and they think I look younger and stylish!

Well I've also invest in new wardrope which add to the "stylishness" ........

When we saw the Doctor last Sat, while waiting for the Doc, RY was wondering if the doc remember who I'm since he may not recognise me in such a shor hair...........

Hair washing is really quick and easy now and hair also dry very speedy too.........

In 2 weeks time, I'll have a hair cut to maintain the "shortness" ............

I'm still really FAT

My weight is still at 50kg and there's no sign of slimming down despite my regular run - 3 to 4 times a week for the last 3 weeks.

Hopefully I can see some result 2 months later.

Mooncake Festival Party

I'm going to organise a mooncake festival party at my house this coming Sat.

I've to get food to feed 10 paxs including RY and myself (it should consist of mum, 2nd sis, 4th sis and family and 5th sis & siew mun zai).
I inted to get finger food for the dinner -4 large pizza, 3 boxes of mooncake (yam, durian and a fusion flavour), chips, drinks etc.

Dinner should start at 7pm and then proceed to garden to play with lantern kids.

Why do I suddenly wanna organise a party?
My 2nd baby is supposed to be due on 9 Sept this month and Oct supposed to be her full moon celebration.
So I'd like to have a party to sort of "remember" the joy of my pregnancy wen I carried her and at the same time, try to instill some happy mood to cheer myself up.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

My Favourite Nephew

Yep, I've a favourite nephew and we call him Siew Mun Zai (transated from cantonese and it means Son of Brother Mun - my BIL's name is Mun so his son is called siew mun zai hor).

Siew Mun Zai (SMZ) is 8 years old this year and he's such a great kid that I wish I've son like him.
His playful but still respectful of the elders instruction and filia to help out with some simple housework.

My BIL stays and works in HK while my sis and SMZ stay in SG with my mun and they'll go back to HK every June and Dec school holidays.

I usually go to mum's for dinner and will spend sometime with him and before I leave, SMZ will give me a big bug and kissess, which I told him he should continue to hug us even when he grows up.
I know truly well that as the childen grow up, we'll be drifted apart gradually...........

SMZ is curious about computer and internet and is currently exploring with computer now and I hope he wont get addicted or mix with any bad company in the internet.

He was the one who introduced me to Pet Society game in the Facebook and when I've any issue with it, I'll consult him.

Actually I love all the children - nieces and nephews but he'll always be the really special one...........

RY is jealous about my love to SMZ and I've to assure him that the kind of love I've on him is different from the love I gave him.

Claypot Rice

Today after the TCM visit, RY brought me to Joot Chiat temple to pray and then we proceeded to Gelang Lor 33 for the famous Claypot Rice.

We had a claypot rice portion for 2 paxs, one stir fried long beans and a bottle of home make crysanthemum tea with bao shen.
The total cost was $23.

It's a really good lunch.

But frankly speaing, I should not be eating such oily food as I'm in the quest of slimmer figure.

I was so guilty that I went for my jogging in the evening (after napping for 2 hours in the afternoon).

TCM Accupunture

RY brought me to the TCM - Dr Z to do accupuncture.
I think Dr Z is a good doc as she seemed to have many successful case of couple who have baby.
Today I overheard her conversation with a couple to had twins and I'm really envious.
I wanna have baby of my own too.

I informed Dr Z about my delayed mens and she had suggested chinese herbs to induce it to come.
I told her I'd like to wait till next week to monitor.

The heat lamp which she shine on my tummy makes me really comfy and nearly fall asleep.

I believe I'm in good hand ...........
Looking forward for the bright future ahead ...........

Doctor's Review

Yesterday the doc informed that I'm healing well from the surgery and he asked me what do I intend to do, should I do another of IVF?
I told him I dont know and asked him to advise me since he's an expert.
He then suggested that I do a HSG test when my mens come this time and he shall review in 2 months time and decide what to do next.

During the ultra sound v-scan, he informed that I still have a fibroid in the womb but think the position is not critical to have it remove now.
RY heard him saying I've  eggs in my ovary.
The doc asked if we've been trying naturally and I told him "No and never" and he asked "why we didnt try".
It was kinda embarassing to tell the truth since RY and myseld had no mood so I told him cos I was on biz trave; (which was partly true as I was in Manila last week).

I told him I can feel the pre-menstral syndrome - the bloatedness and tireness has made me dam "sianz" ....... so I asked if I should take any medication to induce it.
Doc said no and I should continue to wait for another 2 weeks.
If mens still didnt come after 2 weeks then e-mail him for the prescription.

This doc is hardly chatty and yesterday he seemed to be in unusual good mood and he even joked with RY about the air-con drips and the 9 million TOTO (oh I didnt win anything).

I think he's a good doctor but just a really busy one who hardly time enough time to give full/ good attention to all his patients.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Doctor follow-up

This morning is my doctor review after 1 mth of D&C ..........
I'm not sure what the doc will tell me, but hopefully he tells me good and nice things .........

I dont really like this doctor cos he's always busy and difficult to get his appointment.
Also he's very frank in his words which may be hurtful sometimes.
You may ask me why I stick to him?
Well, he's a famous fertility expert and with his help, I managed to get pregy thrice ........ but he also performed my D&C three times ..........

I'll also want to get my Histrology report to make insurance claim on the miscarriage insurance policy which my company's insurance covers.

I'll update about my doctor's review later.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I Need to Lose Weight

I've started jogging since 13 Sept but I still dont see any reduction in my weight.
I've been running Sun, Mon, Tue and then Sat and today Mon, but still no change in the weighing scale.

What should I do to lose 5kg in 3 months?

Maybe I should also diet, eat really small meals and no snackng.

I'm still 50kg as at this morning ...........
I'd like to go back to 45kg range, and it would mean really hard work.

I shall update on my latest weight next week.

Learning Chinese

RY is attending chinese lesson learning mandarin.

Being a Malaysian, RY is educated in Malayu and English.
His mum had engaged a chinese tutor to teach him mandarin when he was young but he cant comprehend the langauge.
He cant speak well, hardly able to read and write chinese.
He can only speak really simple and basic chinese and if you were to use the 4 or more letter chinese idioms, you can really confuse him.

Hopefully this chinese course can help him master the language.

On the hand, I can converse, read and write chinese very well since I'm born and educated in SG.
In fact when i go library, I'll usually borrow chinese novels or megazines.

Looking forward to share my chinese reading material with RY.........

RY is a Stubborn Boy

RY is a really stubborn boy.
He just wont admit his mistake and misjudgement.

I get really angry when he refuse to admit his mistake.

How can I get along with him the rest of my live?
Should I pretend to be stupid and not pin point his mistake?

Its not easy to maintain a relationship, especially when you're staying together.

KL Trip during Hari Raya Holiday

We (RY) and myself drove off to KL last Sat to settle his KL condo related mater.

We arrived his condo at 9.30am and went to the mgt office to pay the water bill.
RY's BIL (AY) brought a subcontractor to view the unit to check on the fixing work.
AY also brought some worker to help clear the unwanted mass (old cabinets, matteresses etc).

We then went to the Bak Kuet Teh store outside the condo for lunch.
It was really yummy ...........

We then went to check into Park Royal Hotel in Jln Bt Bintang.

This time the hotel upgraded us to a deluxe room on the 21st floor (highest).
It was so much better then the previous superior room on 11 floor.
We believe this is due to the previous complaint lodged over the lousy room given to us during our last visit.

At about 3pm I went to the gym for a 5km run and relax at the pool side and only return to room for shower at 4.30pm.
Shower and soak in the hot bath tub to relax my tired body.

We went to Sungei Wang to change some RM and then proceeded to Pavillion to shop.
I managed to buy 2 paris of Make for Seven Man Kind jeans from Parkson at RM60 per pair.
It was a great buy since the original price was about RM250 and I think it's about SGD300 in Spore.

We had dinner at Republic foodcourt in the basement - had Hokkien mee and fried kway teoh.

We went back to hotel at about 10pm.

The next morning (Sun), we had breakfast and then we went to RY's condo to test out the keys.
We met up AY & family for Hari Raya lunch at Hilton PJ.
The buffest spread is pretty impressive but I didnt eat much since I'm not a fan of buffet.

We went to do more shopping in Pavillion again as I was thinking of buying a 3rd pair of jeans but upon 2nd thought, I didnt buy it.
We proceeded to Sungei Wang for some shopping and we saw TCS star - Quan Yi Feng in Watson.
She was really slim.

Then we had our dinner in Sungei Wang basement HK cafe for freid mee hoon and crispy noodle with prawn.
It was really yummy.

The next morning, we had breakfast at 8am and then set off for SG at 10am and due to the massive traffic, we only reach SG custom at 2pm.
It was really ridiculour, the custom agent left us stranded in the lane leading to the counter and then put up a barricade to block us from going into the counter.
The officer then close off his counter and go off.
RY gotta drive really skillfully to move his car to another lane.

We finally cross the custom and had lunch at Jurong West - RY had fish mee hoon while I ate ban mien.
Home sweet home at 3.30pm.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Back from Manila

I came back from Manila yesterday.
This trip is really tiring since didnt sleep well - the pillow is not nice (too soft) and the air-con is too cold (already set to 30'c still freezing).

Every morning ate breakfast at 7.45am till 8.30am - very good spread in Shangrila.
Lunch was some catered food in office (fried chix, pasta, meat balls etc) ........
Dinner on the 1st night was Jap in hotel, sashimi, shabu shabu, tempura etc......
Dinner on 2nd night was also Jap but in a shopping mall near-by and we (5 paxs) shared a combo consist of sashimi, fried rice, sushi, teppanyaki beef, tempura.
Dinner on 3rd night was western grilled beef ribs, it was really nice (big boss was there)............

Yesterday I'd left office at 11.30am to catch a 2pm flight home.
I didnt have lunch (merely a banana which I brought from hotel) and had the air plane meal (I chose pasta with chix) and dinner was a Pola Chix pie I tah pau from airport.

Reached home at 7pm then went downstair to burn the offering for the last day of hungry ghost festival (the actual last day should be today, as I'll be going out, I've done the praying and offering early).
Did laundry and waited for RY to come back, but he only reach home at about 2am .........

This morning managed to wake up at 6.30am but RY was too tired and only managed to be awake at 7am.
We R&R and finally leave house for office at 8.15am and I reach work at 8.45am (I usually arrive work at 7.45am).

Tonight meeting my old secondary classmate for dinner in Ion and to collect my clothes from centrepoint.
I'll try to be home before 10pm since need to wake up early tomorrow to go KL.
RY is having company function this evening and hopefully he comes home early tonight.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Business Trip in Manila

This week I'm working in Manila (Philippine) for some meeting.

Arrived Manila Shangrila hotel about 3pm and went for jogging in the gym.
I realised that my speed has deterioriated as I've not been exercising for 3 months.
I must try buck and improve on my stamina and speend.
Hopefully I can slim down 5 kg in 3 months time (am I too ambixious?)

Had a good and heaving Japanese dinner in the hotel with a group of colleagues - sashimi, tempura, shabu shabu, teppanyaki etc ......

I think this heavy meal has wiped out all my efforts in the gym .............

Will try to go gym wither tomorrow or following day morning.
Must try to slim down .........

TCM Accupuncture

I've been reading up on the TCM postings in Singapore Motherhood and have decided to try one ot the TCM in AMK.

RY brought me to this TCM yesterday - Sun.

Dr Zou is a rather elegant looking lady.
We explained to her about my 3 m/c and she recomended that I do accupunture 2 times a week for 3 months to improve my health.

We poke the needle on my tummy and leg and leave it there for 20 mins (electric current ran thru and a heating lamp shine on my tummy) then she poke on my back which is to improve the kidney well being.

The whole consultation cum accupuncture session lasted about 1 hour (10 mins talking to her and 40 mins accupunture treatment and the balance 10 mins was spent waiting for her).

I'll try going back to the doc again this week.

Sat 12 Sept - Gathering with Uni Friends (also ex-colleagues)

Last Sat met up with Jas & Es at Orchard Central's Heaven Loft for tea.
It's really nice meeting up with them, brought back nice memory.

I've known Jas & Es since NTU and was colleagues before we all left our first job .........

Es & myself ordered the hi-tea set at $9.80+++ and consists of choice of tea and 4 different kind of cake/ snack.
The ambience was cozy and the sweet treats was ok.
Jas & Es both like my new hair cut.

After that met RY up at Aston's for dinner.
RY and myself like to dine at Aston's since its value for money and the quality of steak is good (no service nor GST charges).

Oh, I've also spent almost $1.3k on clothes (13 pieces - is it expensive?).
I've put on so much weight during the last 2 pregnancy, I cant fit into most of my old clothes, so decided to splurge abit to get myself some nice clothes to match my new short hair.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Dentist Visit

Today 10 Sept I didnt go to work as I got a seminar in town to attend.
As I've not been visiting Dentist for last 10 months, I finally decided to go to one.

I'd booked the last appointment at 5pm as I knew the seminar should end around 5pm.

In fact the seminar was still on-going when I sneaked out at 4.30pm.
Since the topic is not applicable to my daily routine, I've decided to leave so that I can be at the dentist early.

Arrive Dentist at 4.45pm, did x-ray and the doc commented that my teeth is good but need to take care as my gum is shrinking too high, so should not brush too hard.
She also did a filling on the top right molar to conceal the exposed gum - I'd sensitive gum whenever I take chilled drinks/ food.

The bill was SGD131/=, fortunately I've covered by company insurance scheme, so pocket didnt burn a hole.

I'll try to floss my teeth more often, cant be lazy .........

Actually Dentist visit is one of my fear factor, my I know I must go since dental hygiene is very important.

This female doc is nice, I like her so will definitely go to her for my next visit.

9 Sept Celebration?

RY called be in the afternoon that he'll bring me to Bt Batok nature park to do some stretching.
He came at 5.40pm and brought my shorts/ t-shirts for me to change.
Oh he surprised me with a bouquet of Gerberra - 3 yellow and another 3 in red - very cheery.

Due to the traffice jam, only arrive the nature park at 6.15pm.
RY ran for 2.5 rounds while I did brisk walking for 3 rounds.
Finiahed exercise at 7pm and go home to shower.

RY ta pau zhu chao - black pepper pork, chix dice in dried chilli (gong bao ji ding) and a stir fried veg in fermented beancurd (fu yu you mai).

That's how we celebrate our 9th ROM Anniversary!

Why am I still feeling so down?

While watching news on TV about couples get married on 09/09/09 and also babies borned on this special day......... I cant help but tears rolled down from my cheek ........... my baby is supposed to be borned on 9th Sept 2009 too ..........

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Happy ROM Anniversary & My "supposing - 2nd baby girl" - 9 Sept 2009

9 Sept is supposed to be a happy day ........... its my 9th ROM Anniversary and my 2nd baby girl (Angelina) supposed to be EDD on this day ..........

I'm very sad, very very sad ...........

This morning RY asked if we're going for any celebration dinner tonight or postphone to Sat.
Frankly speaking, I've no mood to dine out tonight, so I told him we'll wait till Sat.

Mom just informed that she wont be cooking dinner tonight, so we'll eat out.
I think should be eating simple hawker food.

Let me update about tonight's dinner tomorrow ............

Monday, September 7, 2009

Short trip to KL 5 & 6 Sept

RY has a condo in KL and the tenant just moved out so we went to KL last Sat to meet up with the tenant for hand-over of the apartment.

Woke up at 4.45am to boil the red dates/ dang sheng/ wolfberries tea to bring to KL and did last min packing.
RY had a late night and only woke up at 5.15am.
Left home about 6.15am but there was a jam at the 2nd link custom - both SG and MY side.

Arrived KL Park Royal hotel (opposite to Sungei Wang) at 10.30am and couldnt check-in yet as the room was not ready.
Went to Sungei Wang for brunch - eaten fish porridge, beef kway teoh and cha siew bao (the bao was not very nice and shall not order next time).
RY went to Maybank to remit some cash to his mom and also exchange some RM to pay for our expenses in KL.

Did some window shopping and went back to hotel at 12.30pm.
The room (1111) wass ready but its quite disppointing since the carpet was wet and the air-con temp couldn't be adjusted.
We were freezing but since it was only for a night plus the rate was cheap (RM215 nett with breadkfast) and rather a hassle to move in/ out, so we endured.

After resting for about  an hour, we went to shop in Lot 10 and I bought a black top from Mphosis while RY bought 3 shirts from Isetan.
Continue shopping in Pavillion and had tea and cake at the cafe in Pavillion (cant remember the name but its outside next to Club Monaco outlet).  The choco/ cheese cake was RM14 while the tea cost RM8 for a small pot, so the total bill came up to RM24 after the services charge and taxes.

As RY was meeting the tenant at 8pm for the key hand over, we deceided to have early dinner.
We went to the 6th floor to check out the fine dining and found out that the credit cards got some promo with the Viet restaurant ( Citibank 20% off ala carte and 50% off appetizer for 2 main course ordered), chinese restaurant has 30% off all ala carte food item with Citibank, the italian restaurant has 15% discount if pay via Amex.
To save money, we decided to eat at the food court in basement.

I had viet beef noodle set RM12.90 and it came with tang hoon salad, 2 fried poh piah.
RY ordered Thai tom yam with rice noodle (RM8.70).
I didnt try his tom yam since i need to abstain from seafood for a month.

I also had a Beard PaPa cream puff as dessert (RM3.80).

It was about 7pm and we need to go back to hotel so that RY can meet the tenant at his condo at 8pm.

I was alone in hotel while RY went out.
Waited till 10pm and finally received his call that he's caught in traffice jam.

I fell asleep when he knock on the door, it was 11.15pm!
The KL traffic jam is really scary!!

The next morning woke up at 7am to wash up for breakfast at 8am.
The buffet spread was ok but not as good as those in Hilton Sentral (it's my favourite hotel).
Check out the hotel at 11am to go to RY's condo to do some cleaning as meeting potential new tenant at 2pm.

Its fun to watch RY do all the cleaning, while I read newspaper leisurely.
RY speficially told me not to do anything, just sit there and read and dont move .........., which I did.......

The cleaning finished JIT at1.50pm and RY went to have his shower.
The potneital tenant came at 2pm sharp.

The viewing finsihed at about 3pm and we pack-up and have lunch at Pizza Hut (missed the Bak Kueh Teh as they close at 1pm).
After lunch, RY turned back to his aprtment to check if he has forgotten to tighten the tap (to prevent water dripping from the toilet bowl pipe).

Finally drove off KL at 5pm .......... only stopped once to pump petrol and a toilet stop............ reach SG before 8.30pm ............

In 2 weeks time we'll be going to KL again to do serious cleaning and fixing of the apartment.
I think there'll be massive traffic jam due to the Hari Raya holiday ...........
Next time I'll do some serious shopping & dining to make myself happy ..........

Thursday, September 3, 2009

First Day at Work after D&C

I was given hospitalisation leave till 3 Sept (from 28 Aug) but there are too many e-mails to be cleared, so I decided to report work on 3 Sept Thurs.

So many e-mails and the whole morning was busy reading/ clearing & replying e-mails ...........

My boss came to my office and asked me why am I in the office as I should be home resting .........
He asked me to go home.
I told him I'll see how the day goes and will go home if necessary.

He also commented about my new hair - he said he like it ........... my other colleagues also think I look good in short hair ............. hee hee hee
I'm really happy that they all like my new look.

Looking and feeling good

Last Tue, I went to do hair henna, half leg/ arm waxing & eyebrow threading at Little India.
Before that I went to pray at the Guan Yin temple - pray that my 3 poor babies (m/c and not able to be delivered successfully) can rest in peace in heaven.

RY was in good mood, he came to Little India to bring me eat Bak Kuet Teh at Jalan Sultan area - Liang Ji.
It rained heavily and we dashed back to the car so that he can drop me off at the salon to let me continue steaming my hair.
The whole beatifying processs only finished at 3.30pm, so I called RY to fetch me home.

Instead of going home, I made a last min appointment with my beactician at Tech Whye to do facial.
I was too greedy and did full body massage too ..........
My beautician commented that I've water retention and lots of wind in my stomach, I didnt tell her that I m/c cos she didnt know I was preggy.

The massage really made me feel good and very relaxing ........
Hope to do another session end of this month.

But the feel good session cost me a bomb - hair + waxing + threading = $110/= and the facial cum body massage cost me $170.

Then yesterday, Wed, I did another "feel good" act - I did pedicure and  also cut my long straight hair which I've for the last 10 years .......... into layered bob ............

In the morning I went to the skin doc to check on my eczema and then to chinese physician to "tio" my body (he gave me 4 big bottles of liquid mixtures to consume for the next 12 days).
After doc consultation, it was only 11am, so I took a bus from Chinatown to Orchard to do pedicure (I'd painted my toes in shocking pink) and met RY for lunch.

We ate Korean set lunch at Crystal Jade Korean restaurant in Centrepoint.
The set lunch is only $10 per pax and we get the tasty side dishes, soup, rice and fruit slices for free.
We both chose the BBQ beef set.

After lunch went to RY's office as he need to collect some material for his customers and then we proceeded home.
Suddenly I felt like cutting hair, so I aksed him to let me alight at Bt Panjang Plaza.

I chicken out when I arrive the salon doorstep as I'm not sure if I really want to cut my hair.
So I went to Harvey Norman "look see" and then went library to borrow some books.

About half hour later, I finally picked up the courage to E10 salon to ask for a hair cut and I told the hair dresser Vivien I want to cut my hair short.
She asked me twice if I'm confirmed cutting it short and I said "yes" (but before that I asked her if short hair suits me and also I wanna keep long firnge to keep hair off my face).
I sms RY that he has to be prepared to see a new me with my really short hair and he replied "looking forward to your new look".........

RY thinks I look nice in my new hair cut but my mum, sis and nephew dont seem to agree.
In fact they were shocked to see me in such a short bob hair..............

The pedicure cost me $18 and the hair cut = $34.

I also bought slices of chocolate and strawberry cakes to celebrate the "new me" with RY.
The cake is yummy ........... I look forward to a better tomorrow!

Helicobacter pylori

Helicobacter pylori is a Gram-negative, microaerophilic bacterium that can inhabit various areas of the stomach and duodenum. It causes a chronic low-level inflammation of the stomach lining and is strongly linked to the development of duodenal and gastric ulcers and stomach cancer. Over 80% of individuals infected with the bacterium are asymptomatic.

In 2006, I did a scooping test since I constantly had gastric pain and the test result showed that I've this Helicobacter pylori bateria in my stomach.
I was supposed to take a course of anti-biotic to kill the bacteria, which I didnt as I was trying to get preggy.

I went to the GP on Monday to check my gastric and he advised that I can start taking the anti-biotics 1 week upon the completion of the D&C antbiotics.

Since I will be resting for min 3 months before TTC, I thought its good timing to start this course of anti-biotics.

Next Sat, I'll go to the GP to collect my medication.
This few days, my gastric condition has improved but can feel the slight pain at the gastric area.
Fri & Sat night the pain was so bad that it gave me backache, and I gotta rub my back constantly to relieve the pain.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Seasme Oil Chicken

Sesame Oil Chiicken

Fresh ginger - lots of ginger
2 pieces of chix thigh
brown sugar
sesame oil
fresh garlic
oyster sauce
soya sauce
salt & white sugar

clean and slice ginger - thin slice
remove chix skin and as much fats as possble and chop into smaller pieces (easier to be cooked)
marinate chix with mushroom oyster sauce, soya sauce, garlic, salt and some sugar

Heat up wok
Add sesame oil
Fry ginger -add brown sugar & salt
Add chix thigh and stir fry
Add water and cover the wok

Enjoy cooking

I think I enjoyed cooking very much.
I enjoy watching RY finish up the food that I cook.

I'm not a good cook and have never gone for any cooking class nor learn from any cook book ........
I've horned my cooking skill thru observation.
I've been observing my mum and sis when they cook.

My mum always said it's important for a women to know how to cook so that she can feed herself and her family.

These few days, I've experimented new dishes and RY said it's nice.
In future, I'll try to take some photos to post it here so that I can remember.

Its enjoyable watch RY finish the food.
This afternoon, the yee mee that I cooked was finished by him and he said it taste better then those sold outside.
This remark has made my day.

My wish is to quit work and care for my family - husband and children.
I remembered telling RY 10 years ago that I wanna be a housewife - I've longed to care for my children.

I'm looking forward to that day to come.
Family is most important and career to me is secondary.

What have I been eating last few days after the D&C?

Last Fri, went to mum for dinner (simple food like veg and fish) and she boiled black chix with red dates/ woolfberries & dang sheng.

On Sat, morning had veg mee hoon and lunch RY bought western set lunch (pasta with grilled fish & pork chop with fries).  Dinner was home cooked food - American ginseng soup with chix, french beans with dried scallops and baked mushrooms.

On Sun, brough mum to eat Tiong Bahru bao in Jurong East.
Lunch - I cooked udong with mushroom (added wooldberries & red dates to make soup base) and sesame chix and hand made meat balls.
Dinner - steam red snapper, fried cai xin and boiled dang gui soup

This morning I had bread with kaya and a glass of ensure beverage as breakfast.
Lunch (RY came home to join me so I decided to cook yee mee soup) - put Ikan bilis cube & dried scallops for the soup base, added cai xin, meat balls and 2 eggs to the yee mee.
Baked mushrooms for lunch too.
Dinner - mum not cooking and I also dont feel like cooking so RY will tah pau cai fan.
I still have some left over dang gui soup from last night, so will heat it up to drink later.

Oh for the last few days, I've been making red dates + wolfberries + dang sheng + longang drink.
I was told that I need to bu qi and this red dates drink is good for my healing.

I guess should be bread for breakfast.
Lunch should be old chang kee curry puff - I'm going to do hair hena tomorrow late morning so will need to tah pau something to eat inside the salon.
But I'll bring my red dates drink with me.

Is it a Taboo to announce about pregancy during the 1st Trimester?

Last night I e-mailed my boss that I'm on 1 week medical leave and this morning he sms me to check how I am.
I hesitated but finally replied his msg that "I'd lost my baby and did a surgery last Fri.  Trying to recover from both physical and emotional pain".
I guess he understands how I feel and didnt send me any more message after that.

My boss knew about my pregnancy earlier as I was given long sick leave.
Initially I didnt want to tell anyone about my preg as it's a taboo to disclose within the 1st trimester.
No choice, since he's my boss, he has the right to know the reason of my long medical leave, so I've to tell.

My mum, sis and in-laws also knew about my pregnancy.
How they know?
RY had been asking my mum to boil black chix soup for 2 weeks (when I was spotting) and I also behave very careful so they suspected that I was preg but I didnt tell them the truth.
My mum & sis have been hinting about the dos and donts or preggy women to me .........

How about my in-laws?
We'd met up the in-laws in KL 4 weeks ago and that time I was spotting despite the progesterone jab done in SG the day before.
So out of fear, I asked RY to check with SIL/ BIL if they know any hospital which can administer progesterone jab to me.
Immediately they realised what is happening and my BIL and MIL/ FIL accompanied us to a hospital in KL.
The KL doc informed that since I already had a jab the day before, they cant give me another jab again - over dosage is no good.
My MIL consoled me and told me if its a unhealthy pregnancy, just let it go since its no point holding on to it.
She asked me how many weeeks I was preg, so I told her I was 6 weeks going into 7th.

So that's how everybody knows about my pregnancy.

I dont know how to inform them about my loss now ..........

My previous 2 pregnancy, RY and myself had kept it to ourselves but I also lost my babies at week 7 and 10 respectively.............
This time, with people knowing about my preg, I still lose it.

So conclusion being, it doesnt matter if tell or dont, since the outcome seem to be the same.
But it's easier to manage when its kept secret when there's any loss, as there's no need to explain anything to anyone.

Would I announce my next pregnancy during the 1st tri?
I guess I'll play by ear, and will not deny or keep it a secret deliberately.
I'm praying for a healthy and viable pregnancy, I'm still yawning to carry my baby in my arm ..........
Pls grant me my wish.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Gastric Pain

I had gastric problem since 9 years old - Pri 3.
I remembered it was during English Class and I was having very bad pain and it was so unbearable that I nearly fainted.
My form teacher carried me to the nearest polyclinic for consultation.
She then brought me back to school and called my mum to fetch me home.

How I got gastric pain at such a young age?
I dont know why but since then I've this problem till now...........

Today after lunch I felt the pain is coming back, I knew this agony will persist for a few days .....
I'm just worried that it'll be so unbearable that I cant sleep tonight.
RY suspected that this is due to the anti-biotic given after my surgery - supposed to take 2 times a day for a week.

I'd done scooping 2 years ago and a kind of bacteria was found and I was told to start a couse of anti-biotics to kill them.  As I was planning to get preggy, I ignored this problem.
Since I've m/c, maybe it's time I go to doc to re-visit this gastric issue.

Surgery Day - 28 Aug 2009

Yesterday was my surgery day.

Wake up at 6am, boiled water to make myself red dates, gou chi, longang & dang sheng drink (put in thermal flask to put in car).
Send e-mail to boss to inform about the being sick and not able to go to work on Fri (I didnt inform in advance of the surgery) and set out-of-office notice.

Leave home at 7.25am as RY was delayed (wake up late and need to reply biz e-mails).

Arrived hospital at 8.05am and rush to the AMC clinic for a scan to confirm that bb is not developed & no heartbeat before I do my Day Surgery admission.

There was a ang moh lady ahead of me and I got Q no. 2 but as I've the scheduled scanning form, the clinic assistant send me for the scan instead.
She 1st did adominal scan and she told me the image is not clear so she told RY to leave the room and prepare me for a vagina scan.

She scanned for nearly 10 mins and she went to asked for a senior staff to confirm her observation.

In her report she said "no obvious yolk sac and fetal pole and heartbeat detected.  Fibroids of 4cm detected and the ovary is not clearly seen"
This is a depressing report.
However, I just went ahead to Day Surgery to register my admission.

I've finished my registration at 9am and went inside the surgery waiting area to change and get ready.

This time I ealised the Day Surgery has improved, every bed has a TV and I can even select HBO programme.
After changing into the surgery gown, I waited patiently for the doc to insert the needle for the drip.
It was about 9.15am.
At 9.30am, the cervagam table was inserted into the vagina - an indian female doc did it for me.
The purpose is to dilate the cervix so that the uterus will be easiy accessible when the doc perform the evac surgery.

After the insertion of the tablet, I was not allowed to go toilet for 2hrs.
At 11.30am, a nurse came to tell me that my dr was engaged in an emergency surgery and he can only come operate me at 13.50pm, I was shocked, usually by 12pm it should b done, but due to the delay, it means I've to remain hungry for 2 more hours.
I've no choice but to ask for a phone to call RY to inform him not to come to hospital in the early afternoon (initially we were told the surgery should be done & over by 1pm), instead come at about 3 or 4pm.

I waited till about 12.30pm then I requested to go toilet (stomach was cramping intermittenly but there was no bleeding).
Then at 1pm, a nurse suddenly cam eover to inform that Dr is able to operate on me and they quickly wheel me in my bed to the operating theatre (last time during Feb09 & Jul08, I remembered having to walk to the surgery theatre myself and sit on a chair waiting for my turn - there's improvement now).

But at the doorstep of the surgery theatre, I was told to walk inside and climb onto the surgery table.
We waited and tried calling for the Dr, but the feedback was he needed another 10 mins.
The nurse appologised to me saying that his 10 mins may be double.
In fact at 1.25mins then they received the call that doc is waking towards the op theatre now so the anaethesia quickly put me to sleep.
When the medication get into the vein in my hand, it's really painful, plus the stomach cramp, it was really unbearable.
I was also praying that everything is fine and bb will be resting well in heaven.
I remembered telling the nurse, I wanna end this pain soon .......... then I was knocked off ...........

I think I was awaken at about 1.45pm and the nurse told me the surgery was over, I said "thank you" and then cried for my baby ............. I tears rolled down from my eyes and the nurse wiped it away and asked my not to think about it anymore.

They told me to go back to sleep, but I cant sleep and merely close my eyes to rest.

At about 2.30pm, they sent me to the resting area to feed me milo and some biscuit.
I watched some HBO TV and at the same time checking on my medical leave.
Initially hospitalisation leave given was only 1 day to cover the Fri but I requested to rest for 1 week as I'm no sure if I'm ready emotionally to go to work on Monday.

Then the nurse informed that RY is already here and waiting to fetch me home, so they let me change and remove the needle from my hand.
I was told not to engage in any activities which may hurt myself for 2 weeks - for instanct no sex or exercise.
I hope RY is not too disappointed on the sex part ...............

We reached home at about 4.30pm.
RY was sweet, he actually came home earlier to boild black soup for me ..........
I rested tll about 5.30pm to take my bath and drank the black chix soup (shared half with RY as mum also made the same soup for me for dinner).

Went to mum's place for dinner at 7pm and back at 8pm.
I fell asleep at 9.30pm ............ missed my favourite HK serial on TCS8 ...........

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Kelly Chen : Lover's Concerto

I just recalled my wedding march-in song (2nd march-in in evening gown)

Kelly Chen : Lover's Concerto

How gentle is the rain
That falls softly on the meadow
Birds high up in the trees
Serenade the clouds with their melody
Oh! See there beyond the hills
The bright colors of the rainbow
Some magic from above
Made this day for us
Just to fall in love

You hold me in your arms
And say once again you love me
And if your love is true
Everything will be just as wonderful
Now, I belong to you
From this day until forever
Just love me tenderly
And I'll give to you
Every part of me

Oh! Don't ever make me cry
Through long lonely nights without love
Be always true to me
Keep this day in your heart eternally
You hold me in your arms
And say once again you love me
And if your love is true
Everything will be just as wonderful

Another song I like

Vincent (Starry Starry Night) Lyrics

Starry starry night, paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day with eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills, sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills, in colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how, perhaps they'll listen now

Starry starry night, flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue, morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

Now I understand what you tried to say to me

How you suffered for your sanity How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how, perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you, but still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight, on that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do,
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Starry, starry night, portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls with eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the stranger that you've met, the ragged man in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose, lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will.

I like this song!

I was watching this HK TV serial shown on TCS 8 and this song was played:

My Love Will Get You Home
By Christine Glass

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

Eve of D&C Surgery

This afternoon at 3pm, hospital called to inform about the surgery preparation.

I was told to fast after 12 mid-night and to reach the hospital before 8am to scan to confirm that there's no bb heartbeat.
Once confirmed, I'm supposed to go to Day Surgery to do admission exercise.

I've already set the alarm at 6am and target to leave house at 7am tomorrow for hospital.

It's a mixed feeling now .........
On one hand I do hope to quickly complete the D&C so that I can move on, on the other hand, the thought of losing my bb inside me is rather sad .........
At least I can still self proclaimed to be a preggy lady till the D&C is done .........

The thought of going thru the D&C the 3rd time is also scary ......... a tablet will be inserted into the vaginal, then there'll be some bleeding, then cramp etc ....... then gotta sit and wait for min 1.5 hrs before I get to be operated........... gotta walk to the operating theatre, then climb up the op table and wait for the doc to jab me and put me to sleep .............

I remembered the last 2 D&C, when I wake up from the anaesthesia, my 1st reaction was to I touch my tummy and cried as I realised that I've lost my little beanie ............ very sad.......
I wonder if tomorrow will be the same.

Why do I've to do this surgery again?
I'm scared.
Only those who've gone thru it sill understand my fear .............

He finally asked about my blog

This evening on our way to mum's place for dinner, RY (hubby) finally asked about my blog and expressed his interest to read what I've written.

After some consideration, I said "Yes".
So I'll be sending him the link to my blog.

I wonder what he thinks about my blog ........

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

How to be Happy?

When I was young, its easy to be happy - go holiday, meeting up friends, having good meals, buying a pair of new shoes, a bag or dress can make me really happy.
But all these dont seem to make me thrilled and excited anymore, in fact for the last 2 years, I hardly purchase anything (so I've made substantial savings).

I feel that I've missed something to complete my life.
I need a complete family - husband and children.........
I think I can only attain true happiness when I carry my baby in my arm ..........

I had short term happiness when I was tested +ve for pregnancy thrice ........
I put on a lot of weight after my 2nd pregnancy - from 47kg to 50kg and another 2 kg during the 3rd .......
Being a vain gal, it's hard for me to put on weight - I'm a exercise freak who jogs 3 times a week for 4-5km distant each time.
When I knew that I was pregnant, I stopped my exercise routine and eat alot (pregnancy hormones makes me hungry all the time).
I was happy and didnt mind putting on extra weight as I believe this is for my baby.

Looking at friends around me already have children (2 or more), while I'm still struggling to try to have my 1st, it's really heart breaking ......... age is cathing up and my biological clock is tickling ........... I'm anxious to have my baby.

God, why take away my 3 babies away from me?
Please let my 3 poor babies rest in peace in heaven.

I'm still hopeful for that day to come - to be wheeled to the labour ward to give birth to my baby, hearing him/ her break the 1st cry and hug/ kiss him/ her (it doesnt matter girl or boy, as long as the baby is healthy and normal) .......
I believe I can be a good mother and will nurture and protect my child.
Please grant me my wish to be a true mother who can breast feed, change diaper, wash/ clean/ feed/ educate my adorable child.

I believe that day will come.
I just need to be patient ............

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Should I share this blog with Hubby?

After 3 m/c, I've finally decided to start blogging ........... to pen my thoughts and feelings ........
I find it quite hard to recollect what happened last Jul when I did my 1st D&C and the 2nd on my wedding anninversary in Feb09 ..........

Do you believe that within a short time span of slightly over 1 year, I had experienced 3 pregnancy joy and losses?

I've decided to try to document down as much as I can, from 24 Aug onwards ..........
I'll try to recollect as much as I can to write it down ..........

I'm still thinking if I should share this blog with hubby or keep this to myself ......

I've actually informed him last night about my new blog and he didnt ask any further ......
I guess only if he ask about it then I'll consider sharing with him ......

Why is this happening again?

Last Sat 22 Aug, I was feeling really nervous as we've to meet up the gynae to check if he can detect baby's heartbeat .......
I was awake at 3am and cant sleep till 6am, then finally nap till 7am ........ I was wondering why cant I have a good night of sleep........
Then I think subconciously I must be feeling stressed due to the gynae appointment - the verdict about my pregnancy.

I told the doc that I had no spotting for > 1 week (2 weeks ago I was spotting and had 2 progesterone jab in an interval of 3 days) and he proceeded to do the ultra-sound scan ..........
He said he still cant see the bb's heartbeat at week 8 eventho the waterbag is still growing.

He told us most probably the foetues didnt develope.
He had advised me to do D&C on the following Monday but I told him I prefer Fri instead.
He also told me to stopped all medications - progesterone & oestrogen etc ....... which I take 2 times a day.

He asked if I want to do a lap test after the D&C, and I told him I'm not sure and ask what does he recommend.
He said since the 2nd m/c lap test result showed that it was chomosome issue (down syndrome) he reckon this should be the same and no test is required.

I'm amazed at how calm I was!
The reason why I postphone to Fri due to work commitment, I've to submit the various month end reports by Thurs, so from Fri onwards then I can "disappear" from office.

Hubby was upset that I delayed till Fri, maybe he's afraid that I may suffer from the cramps once I stopped the medication.

From Sat till Sun, I didnt take the homone supplement and I was feeling some cramps.
As I need to go to work on Mon till Thurs, I've decided to take the pills so that the cramp would stop - with the intake of progesterone, the body still "think" that I'm pregnant and will not try to expel the sac.
But I'll stop taking the pill from Thurs nite onwards ...........

Monday, August 24, 2009

Get Ready for my Loss ..... 24 Aug 2009

I've finally picked up the courage to accept my loss - yes the loss of my baby .......

In fact it's my 3rd precious ........... 3rd loss ........

I've cried last night over my loss and has real puffy eyes.

It doesnt help that I need to go to work looking so horrible.

But what the hack, I'm not going for any beauty peagent.

Just wash up and go to work.

I also met hubby for lunch so that we can go to Eu Yang Sang to get some medical herbs for my consumption after the D&C this Fri.